


Moving On

by crane9



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: PREATH - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2018-12-22 14:52:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11969676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crane9/pseuds/crane9
Summary: After Tobin returns from France, there is one thing she is focusing on. Besides a world championship, it is the fact she can't move on from her relationship with a former teammate, the first person she ever loved. Strangely, the only person who helps remedy the hurt is a current teammate. Christen attempts to be Tobin's friend while she's down but the connection between them is too much.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Portland, 2015

Tobin deboarded the plane in Portland feeling lost. She was hit with a wave of realization about how much she would need to adapt after being in Paris for the past few months. It was a new place with new people, but Tobin was glad to be back in the States. She walked through the terminal with her headphones blaring, thinking of what her immediate next steps would be. She knew her old friend from college, Allie, would be picking her up and she didn’t have to be worry about transportation. Baggage claim was her only necessary destination. Walking through the terminal was surreal. Last year she didn’t think she would be back in Portland. Paris was supposed to be her home for the foreseeable future, she would fall in love, be happy. Start to shift her focus away from soccer perhaps. However, that was now in the past, it was back to the sport that she always loved. When she arrived at baggage claim, it wasn’t long before she felt the weight of a woman nearly pull her down to the ground.

“Hey you” Exclaimed Allie, “I’m so glad you’re back.”  
“Hey” Tobin replied with a smile on her face. In different circumstances her reaction would have been more ecstatic but the 15 hour plane had taken it out of her. The two friends quickly fall into an easy and comfortable conversation, catching up on all aspects of their life.

“I’m so excited that you’re going to be staying with me for a bit” Allie said, “I could use some best friend time after all these months.”

“Are you sure is not a problem? I could find…” Tobin tried to get in the fact that she would only be staying for a little while until she could find a place of her own, but that didn’t seem to be on Allie’s mind.  
“Oh please, Heath. If I could have you just move in with us, I would!” Allie interrupted.

Tobin was only planning on staying until the next national team camp which was two weeks away. She didn’t want to deal with finding a new place and moving in with the season starting. Selfishly, Tobin was also excited to spend some time with Allie in Portland. She knew Allie had a way of making her feel welcome and taken care of, which is what she needed right now. 

The two of them walked toward the parking garage to load up Tobin’s bags and head home. The conversation in the car was more than Tobin wanted to deal with after such a long day.

“So, how did things end with Shirley?” Allie inquired, knowing that it would be a sensitive topic for Tobin. The brunette looked over to Allie with a tinge in her facial expression, hinting that things hadn’t gone great.  
“We’ve decided to keep our options open. We’re not broken up, but we’re not together either.” The brunette responded looking out the passenger side window.  
“How does that work?”  
“I’m not sure yet. I’ll see her when we play Costa Rica and she’s planning on coming out for the World Cup. But besides that we don’t have plans to see each other.” Tobin is now looking at her phone, “we will see what happens.” Allie laid her gaze on Tobin knowing that even though her friend seemed to be only slightly phased by the turmoil, she was probably hurting terribly on the inside. Allie knew that Tobin’s relationship with Shirley was the most committed Tobin had been in her adult life. Shirley meant the world to Tobin, but so did soccer. And so did a World Cup Championship. 

Tobin’s phone buzzes with messages from her teammates and friends about how excited they are for her to be back. She diverts her attention to her phone after she sees the name “Christen” pop up on the screen. Tobin goes to open the message, Hey, hope you had a safe flight. So happy you’re back! See you soon. Tobin didn’t expect to see a message from her teammate. Christen had always been closer to other girls on the team and even though Tobin and Christen bonded over playing abroad, they haven’t said much to each other since Tobin’s been gone. Tobin turns the screen off without reading any more messages, even the ones from Shirley. She knew she would be seeing her teammates next week at national team camp in Utah.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Hurry up Tobs, we’re going to miss our flight!” Allie screams from the front door of her apartment. Giggling, Tobin quickly throws on shoes and a hoodie and darts for the front door with her suitcase in tow.  
“Sorry! I was on the phone with Shirley.” Tobin says short on breath.  
“I know but the Uber is waiting and we were supposed to be at the airport 20 minutes ago.” They cease any communication until they get to the airport. In the car, Tobin thinks about how great it was to finally have some time to talk to Shirley. Between practices, games, and the time difference they hadn’t found the opportunity to catch up. Overall, it was probably the best for both of them to not speak. For how good it felt for Tobin to talk with the woman she loved, she couldn’t help but feel the sadness that came along with it. She missed Shirley and for the past two weeks nothing had done a good job of taking her mind off of her. No matter what Allie and her teammates did to get Tobin out and about, Shirley is who she thought about every morning and every night. When the car stopped, Allie knocked Tobin with her elbow.  
“Let’s go dude!” The two of them quickly grabbed their bags and made a run for it. Allie thought quickly about how bad she wanted a coffee but chose to wait until they got through to the terminal. Lucky for them they didn’t need to wait in security for long.  
“Thank God for TSA pre-check” Allie says, exhausted by their sprint from the car to the line. Tobin gives her a nod of agreement but is too winded to say anything. When they finally make it to the gate, they are greeted by laughs and pointed fingers from their teammate.

“Wow, you guys look exhausted.” Meghan greeted them, holding herself back from laughing in their faces.  
“It was a full sprint from the car to here.” Tobin replied with a smile on her face. She knew Allie was more than annoyed but she tried to lighten the mood. Looking down at her watch she saw that they had five minutes until their flight started boarding. Tobin walked over to the nearest coffee bar and returned minutes later with three coffees.  
“Here” Tobin nudged Allie’s elbow. The blonde’s eyes lit up with excitement. The gratitude was apparent, and all was forgotten.  
The flight was quick. Tobin barely had time to take a nap after chatting with Meghan about her new vegan kick. It was probably good for her knowing that if she was left to her own thoughts, Shirley would be the only thing going through her mind. Tobin hated being out of control of her feelings. She had to continue to remind herself that things would get better with time, but patience was never Tobin’s strength. 

The three of them walked off the plane and headed straight for their car. Allie was doing all the communication with their driver so Meghan and Tobin followed behind. As the three of them were walking out of the sliding glass doors into the pick-up area, Tobin hears Meghan scream. She quickly turns around to see what the problem is but is immediately calmed at the sight of Meghan jumping into the arms of a dark-haired woman whose arms looked to be holding on to Meghan for dear life, fearful of dropping her.

“Chris!” Meghan exclaims, now standing squarely in front of her taller counterpart. Tobin observed them from a few feet away, not saying anything. After minutes of letting the two catch up, Tobin walked over having lost Allie in the scuffle. Christen turns her attention to the approaching brunette and offers the warmest of smiles. When Tobin looks into her eyes she smiles back. Christen freezes for a moment, letting the butterflies settle. The two hug and exchange small conversation. Christen never takes her eyes off Tobin and the smile never leaves her cheeks even after their conversation stops. 

Christen didn’t like this feeling. For the past year she had tried to suppress it, ignore it, whatever she could do to get rid of it. She doesn’t quite know when it started but she hasn’t been successful at shaking it. After leaving Sweden last year, Christen has been single for the longest bout since college. She found it difficult to date anyone with all the travel. Even if she found someone interesting, they never stuck around for more than a few weeks. Christen was okay with this. She preferred her introverted time, her independence, finding joy in life without relying on someone else. But even though she had all of that, she could never deny the feeling Tobin gave her when they saw each other. It was a crush and Christen knew it was wrong. Over the past few months, Christen had convinced herself it would subside, it would just take time. 

“Where did Allie go?” Meghan questions.  
“No idea” Tobin replies, “I tried looking for her when we stopped but she was on a mission to get out of here.”  
“Oh, are you two riding to the hotel with Allie?” Christen inquires.  
“Yeah, Chris you should come with us.” Meghan offers, still looking around for her blonde teammate like a child who’s lost their mom.  
“I would, but I told Cheney I would ride with her. She won’t be here for another 15 minutes.” 

When Allie finally arrives at the car, she turns to acknowledge to her teammates that they’ve made it. But when she does, they’re gone. Confused, she grabs her phone and sends a text to Tobin. Two minutes pass and no response.  
The driver approaches Allie, “Excuse me, Miss” he interrupts politely “are there any more passengers?”  
“Yes, there are two more, but I lost them.” The driver offers her a kind smile.  
“That is okay, I can wait while you go find them.”  
Relieved, Allie leaves her bags with the driver and retraces her steps. Finally, she spots Tobin and a dark-haired woman standing besides her but she doesn’t see Meghan. Darting towards them, she grabs Tobin’s shoulder and spins her around. Tobin sees Allie’s face and knows she’s not happy.  
“Sorry, we ran into Christen.” Tobin spits the words out before giving Allie the chance to speak.  
Allie realizes the woman standing next to Tobin is a teammate. Apologizing for ignoring her, Allie throws her arm around Christen and places her head on her shoulder letting out a big sigh.  
“Christen, next time can you take care of them? It’s exhausting.” At this point, the four of them laugh and start walking towards the car. 

Christen waits on the curb while Tobin and Meghan load their bags into the car. As Meghan and Allie climb in, Tobin looks toward Allie.  
“Hey do you mind if I wait for Cheney? I haven’t seen her since…”  
“No worries, Tobs. We’ll see you at the hotel.” Allie interrupts. Allie knows that Tobin has a close relationship with Lauren but hasn’t seen her since last camp. Tobin offers her a thankful nod and the brunette retreats to the curb where Christen stands.

From the curb, Christen tries to keep her mind off of Tobin by looking as if she were busy checking emails on her phone. She thinks about how she is going to survive the next two weeks. After a few minutes, she feels a hand brush the bottom of her elbow. Startled, she looks up to find Tobin’s shining grin, “is it okay if I wait with you? I haven’t seen Cheney in a long time.” Tobin states.  
Christen smiles and responds, “Of course. It will be a nice surprise for her.” Christen gestures for the two women to walk towards Lauren’s terminal, the butterflies never subsiding.. Tobin follows. As they are talking and walking, Tobin realizes that she is no longer thinking about anything except the girl next to her. Relief overcomes her.


	2. Camp

After laughing and dancing in the car all the way from the airport the three players arrive at the hotel. In the lobby, Allie and Meghan along with other players can be seen lounging comfortably on a set of couches and sofas laid alongside a set of large windows. The hotel is dead besides the team’s presence. The new arrivals seamlessly walk towards the larger group. Christie, the team captain, slaps the paper itinerary against Tobin’s chest. Tobin gives a quick look of embarrassment but it subsides faster than it appears when she realizes what is being handed to her.

“Tobs, you and Press are rooming together. Cheney you’re with Amy, she already has your stuff. Team meeting in an hour.” Christie says with authority as she continues handing out room assignments. 

Smiling Tobin looks over to Christen and offers her a genuinely happy expression, “lucky me.”  
Christen’s insides churn with nervousness. In her mind she can’t help but be ecstatic about rooming with Tobin and spending more time with her, but like pouring a can of soda too quickly, she can feel her anxiety bubble towards the surface. The last thing Christen wants to do is make it awkward between her and Tobin, so she does her best to contain it. 

“I’m going to head to the room and try to catch a nap before the meeting.” Chris says quietly, leaning into Tobin a little as to prevent the other players from hearing. Without clear forethought, Tobin’s hand falls to the small of Christen’s back to keep her close.  
Nodding, “do you care if I do the same? I wasn’t able to nap on the plane.” Hinting towards Meghan who is blabbering on about something with their teammates. Chris gives Tobin a smile indicating it would be more than okay.  
The two of them slip away from the lobby and head towards the elevator. Allie doesn’t say anything but her eyes follow the two of them as they retreat. No one sees it but she nudges Meghan and nods over to the two women walking away.  
“Well, we knew it would only be a matter of time right?” Meghan quietly questions with a sigh.  
“Oh, come on. Nothing’s going to happen. It is just cute.”

The two women enter their room and begin to set their things down. Tobin points to the bed closest to the wall, “do you care if I take this one?”   
“Take whichever one you’d like, I’m good with whatever.” Tobin sits tenderly on the bed closest to the wall and Christen can tell how exhausted she is.  
“Are you okay? Do you want some water or something? I can go down the hall…” Before she can finish Tobin starts.  
“No, I’m okay. It has just been a long day. I just need to take a powernap and I’ll be all set.” To affirm what she says, Tobin lies down on the bed and closes her eyes. Her mind is at ease for the first time all day.

Christen quietly puts her stuff away and takes to the bed closer to the window. Before her body chooses to lie itself down, her green eyes focus on the brunette across the room. She feels her heart fill and lets out a sigh she makes sure doesn’t disturb Tobin. The dark-skinned woman sets an alarm on her phone to make sure both of them are awake up before their meeting, she sets the phone down on the nightstand between their beds and tries to fall asleep. Her thoughts seem to bounce from place to place in her mind but land upon the feel of Tobin’s hand on her back, how good it felt, and how right it felt. She considered the possibility of the woman next to her having the same feelings, but in this moment it was too much for her. Her eyes doze off until she no longer feels the pull of the woman beside her.

Tobin is not sure how long she is asleep before she hears banging at the door. It jolts her awake, disoriented and heart-pounding she looks to the bed next to her but doesn’t see Christen.

“Shit!” Tobin scurries around the room trying to find her phone to catch the time. The banging outside continues but now she can hear laughter. She forgets about her phone and moves to open the door.

Alex, Lauren, and Amy pile into the hotel room completely unaware of Tobin’s bed head.  
“Hey Tobs!” Alex and Amy lean in for a hug and exchange ‘how are yous’ with their friend.  
“Good” Tobin replies, “did I miss the meeting?” she says frantically.   
“No, the meeting is in 10 minutes, you know we always come and get you.” Lauren says as she moves towards Tobin’s bed to sit, “where’s Christen though, I thought she’d be here.”

Tobin thinks about the last time she saw Christen and tries to remember if she mentioned leaving the room before Tobin feel asleep, “I don’t know, I dozed off and when I woke up she was gone.” At that moment, Christen walks in with two water bottles and some snacks.   
“There she is” Amy says excitedly and walks over to help Christen free her hands.  
As their teammates small talk to pass the time, Tobin takes a few steps toward Chris and grabs a bar from her.  
“They didn’t have any chocolate ones, so I just got that for you.” Chris tries to defend her peanut butter decision.  
“Perfect, thanks. I was getting hungry” Tobin tears through the wrapper and bites into it, “I thought you left me and went to the meeting” chewing and smiling simultaneously.  
Laughing, “You really think I’m that cold? I was thirsty when I woke up so I decided to make a water and snack run.”   
“No, I don’t think you’re cold, that’s why I was so confused.”   
“Guys we should head down, it’s time.” Cheney directs everyone out the door. Tobin is on her way out when she turns around abruptly and finds Christen right behind her holding her phone and room key. Her eyes show relief and appreciation for Christen and she wraps an arm around her.  
“You are the best.” 

***  
The meeting and training that afternoon go on as planned. It consists largely of players getting acquainted with each other and the environment. After training, there is a scattering of players sitting on the grass. Allie is sprawled out on the lawn doing her best to soak up the sun that is approaching the horizon. Pinoe and Ali are among the players who decide to do the same.   
“Hey Tobs,” Pinoe says quietly lying right next to the brunette’s legs, “how did things go with Shirley?” Tobin thinks about answering this question. Pinoe was one of her good friends over in France, playing abroad for an opposing team. It was one thing talking about Shirley with Allie and Lauren in private. It was another talking about her in front of almost the whole team. Tobin decides she’s not going to answer it, “Not here, I’ll tell you later.” Pinoe takes this as a sign that Tobin doesn’t want to talk about it but also as a sign that it didn’t end well. The short-haired blonde sits up and looks at Tobin.  
“Okay, later then?” Pinoe places a hand on Tobin’s knee and squeezes lightly in an attempt to console her, however, Pinoe, isn’t sure what needs consoling yet. Pinoe looks over to Allie, who’s giving her a look of worry. Tobin knows this exchange is going on but refuses to acknowledge it openly. She knows she can deal with this, without anyone intervening but above all else, she just doesn’t want to talk about it. She doesn’t see the point. She wishes Lauren and Allie would tell the whole team so she wouldn’t get asked any more questions. She thinks to herself, ‘that would be nice’. In the moments when Tobin is not thinking about Shirley, she’s free: both her mind and body. At camp, she needs it to be that way. Shirley and her have only talked once in the past three weeks, it wasn’t going to get better than that, if anything it would only get worse. Tobin needed her friends to help he move on, not feel bad for her.

***

Later that night in the hotel room, Christen is getting out of the shower when Tobin walks in.  
“Hey.”   
“Hey” Tobin replies, “do you want to go to dinner tonight? Just us two.” Christen is more than surprised by the invitation. Tobin is usually inseparable from her long time national team crew. The brunette throws herself on bed but faces up the make eye contact with Christen.  
“Um, sure. I told JJ, Crystal, and Alyssa I would go with them but I’m sure I can…”  
“Oh, no don’t cancel your plans. It’s cool.”   
“What are you going to do?” Chris inquires.  
“I guess I’ll go with Alex and them.” Tobin says with a sure lack of excitement.  
“You could come with us. We are going to sushi.” The dark-skinned girl can see Tobin mull over the idea. It takes her some time before she replies.  
“No it’s okay, you guys go.”   
Christen walks out of the bathroom, draped in a towel. Tobin looks at her back and notices the drops of water that are delicately balanced on the woman’s skin. Christen’s dark hair strewn carelessly along her shoulders. Tobs’ eyes start to drift towards Chris’s backside and then her legs and she can feel herself turn warm. She always thought Christen was beautiful but in this moment, she is speechless.   
Christen grabs her phone without having the slightest clue of what the brunette is witnessing behind her, “give me a sec.” she says with her back towards Tobin. Standing with her phone in hand, she quickly types a message into her phone and waits patiently for a reply. Within seconds she turns around to find Tobin looking at her with her hands behind her head.   
“What are you looking at!” Laughing at the look on Tobin’s face. She grabs an extra pillow off of her bed and throws it towards Tobin’s head playfully.  
With a smile spread from ear to ear, “honestly, I was looking at you.” Tobin responds catching the pillow, “I was watching all the beads of water fall down your back.” In any other circumstance Christen would find this comment cheesy or even creepy. But in this moment, it was innocent.   
“Well good news, I’m all yours tonight.” Christen moves onto a less tense topic.  
“Really? That’s awesome, sushi?” Christen laughs at the brunette but ultimately agreed. 

Tobin hops out of bed with a smile on her face while Christen retreats into the bathroom to finish putting herself together. She closes the door behind her and her hands grasp onto the edges of the counter. 

“What am I doing?” She whispers to herself. She can feel the coldness cross the back of her neck, her palms beginning to dampen. She turns on the faucet and splashes cold water onto her face, “gosh, it’s just dinner” she looks in the mirror and winks.

“I’ll be ready in 10” She hears the voice from the other side of the door.  
“Ok, I’ll be right out.” 

When Christen walks out she can’t help but notice that Tobin has transformed. She is wearing a pair of tightly fitted black jeans that hug every curve on the woman’s legs, and a long white tee that contrast with her skin tone and leaves her bare biceps open for admiration. The woman’s brunette hair is long and carelessly flowing just beyond her shoulders, half-combed and natural. This was one of the reason Christen liked Tobin so much. The fact that the woman had a care-freeness to her, the fact she never tried that hard to impress anyone unless it was on the pitch. The fact she was so comfortable in her own skin she never needed to look elsewhere for confidence. It was sexy, Christen didn’t know many women like that. 

Tobin makes eye contact and smiles, “Are you ready? I already got us a van to steal.” Christen is clothed and looks around for her phone and wallet before answering.   
“Yeah, I’m ready, have you seen my wallet? I thought I put it…” When Christen turns around to scan the room she finds Tobin holding her wallet and phone.   
“Hey” she lingers on the final syllable for longer than usual, “thank you.”   
“Just thought I would return the favor.” Tobin replied with a grin.

In the lobby, Tobin grabs the keys to one of the vans from a guy on the operations team and the two women head out to. When they reach the car they hear their teammates exiting the hotel.   
“Hurry let’s go before they see us!” Tobin unlocks the door and urges Chris to get in.  
Safely inside the vehicle they strap their seatbelts on and Tobin does her best to get them out of the parking lot as quick as possible. Christen is laughing but Tobin can hear the tinge of anxiety in it’s pitch.

“Why are you so adamant about avoiding those guys? I thought we were all friends here.” Christen asks with genuine curiosity.

“No, no, we totally are. I just am going through some stuff and would rather not be interrogated by them all night. That’s all.” Tobin says trying to follow the directions being spouted by the navigation.

“Am I not a good friend? Should I be interrogating you?” Christen responds playfully, knowing ultimately if Tobin wanted to talk she would leave it on Tobin’s terms. Tobin laughs at the woman sitting next to her.

“You’re a great friend. Perhaps an even better friend because you don’t force me to think about what I don’t want to think about. You just let me be here, with you. I enjoy it.” Tobin smiles and sends a wink when she catches Christen’s eye, taking her own off the road. The butterflies that had found a resting place in Christen’s stomach rise in this moment and she can’t remember if she’s stopped smiling since she’s been in this van. The smiling is also masking Christen’ worry about whether Tobin really needs to talk about what’s bothering her. Christen knows Tobin doesn’t like to talk about her feelings but from personal experience, she knows it’s probably the thing Tobin needs most to move on. 

The two arrive at the restaurant and Tobin decides to valet the van. Christen laughs slightly while gesturing to the public parking lot across the street but Tobin insists on utilizing the complimentary valet. The women exit the car and walk towards the restaurant that is dimly lit with lanterns and small candles on each table.  
“Wow, this is intimate.” Tobin says scanning the room. She notices that each booth is so large that she imagines when you sit in them you can’t see anything else besides whoever is across from you.  
“We can go somewhere else if you want. I didn’t realize…” Christen offers a change of plans but is actually really looking forward to sushi.  
“No, let’s stay here, its perfect.”

They are seated immediately, tucked away in a large booth in the corner and Tobin was right. The two of them can see each other and the end of the bar but not much else.   
“This is kind of cool, don’t you think? It’s so private.”   
“Yeah, it is nice. We won’t have to worry about fans seeing us.” Tobin says.  
“Good point, I wasn’t thinking about that.”

Tobin reaches for the list of sushi offerings and begins filling it out on her own. Christen waits patiently, quietly observing the brunette across the table. When the waiter comes over, Christen asks for two waters and a few more minutes to order while Tobin is completely engaged with the paper menu in her hands. When the waiter moves away, Tobin starts, “Ok, I think I’m set.” Christen is smiling at her with her eyebrows slightly lifted.  
“Cool, do you mind if I look?”   
Realizing she had been hogging the menu, Tobin hands it over. When Christen looks for her favorite rolls, they are already marked twice.   
“Um Tobin, are you going to eat all of this. That’s a lot of sushi.”   
“I was planning on it.” But when Christen looks up to Tobin she could tell she’s kidding, “No, Chris, I ordered for you. Hope you don’t mind.”  
“How did you know what I liked?” Christen responds surprised that Tobin had ordered the three things that she wanted on the menu.   
“Chris, I’m smart enough to notice that every time we’ve gone to a sushi dinner you get the exact same thing. Those things just happen to be what I like too. So it’s easy to remember.” Tobin says this very matter of factly.  
“Well thanks, but I might have to diversify my palate if people are memorizing my order.” The two of them smile as Tobin shrugs.  
“It might be a good idea.”

The two women enjoy dinner talking about what their lives have been like since the last time they saw each other. Tobin making sure to avoid talking about Shirley and Christen making sure to avoid her love life as well. They exchanged stories about their families and friends, they laugh and joke with each other. After they finish eating their sushi, Tobin looks down to her phone, there are numerous messages from Allie and Alex about her not joining them for dinner but for now Tobin wants to ignore them. She notices the time and realizes they two have time before they should be back at the hotel.

“Hey, what are your feelings on dessert?” Tobin asks.  
“Depends on the dessert but I’m usually pro-dessert.” Chris replies, “why, what are you thinking?”  
“Ice cream?”   
“I’m into ice cream.” Chris gestures for the waiter to bring their check.

After settling up their check the two exit the restaurant. The dark-skinned woman pulls out her phone and tries to look for the closest ice cream place to them.   
“It looks like there’s one within walking distance. Want to go?”   
“Sure” Tobin answers, waiving off the valet. They walk in silence for a minute or two before Tobin can’t handle it. She decides to ask Christen a bold question, getting into the part of the conversation both of them were trying to avoid.   
“Chris, don’t take any offense to this but why don’t you date very often?” When the words leave Tobin’s lips, she realizes that she may have made the conversation too personal. At least twenty seconds roll by without an answer.  
“Why made you ask that?” Christen replied, her eyes scanning the windows of shops as they pass by.  
“I don’t know, I feel like you are a catch but I know you don’t date often. At least that’s what Kelley told me.”   
“I would say you shouldn’t believe what Kelley says but in this case it’s true.” Christen turns to gauge where Tobin’s eyes are in hopes of getting a better idea of where this conversation is going. When she looks into the deep hazel eyes of the brunette she decides to give her the most honest answer she can think of.

“Well for one, thanks. I am a catch.” The two women laugh, “And two, I don’t know, after I left Sweden it just became hard for me to casually date. After Vero, I just knew what I wanted and didn’t want to waste my time looking.” Christen settled on this being her answer.

“But isn’t the point of dating to find that person. I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but Vero is no longer in the picture.” Tobin says this in a soft tone, trying not to upset Christen.

“No, no, you’re right. And what I meant to say is that after being with Vero, I knew what I wanted in a relationship. And you’re also right about dating being a process to find that person. But for me, after Vero, I felt like I didn’t have the energy to find that person. I wasn’t in a good place after that relationship ended and I needed time by myself to figure it out. And that was, or maybe still is really hard.”

“I know what you mean.” Christen catches the tone of sadness in Tobin’s voice. For a split second, Christen considers changing the topic but she goes out on a limb and asks the question that is sitting on the tip of her tongue.

“Is that how you feel now, with Shirley?” Tobin’s eyes meet Christen’s, her middle brow slightly furrowed in confusion. Christen panics and fears that she has driven the conversation to a place that Tobin doesn’t want it to go. But within seconds, Tobin’s brow softens and her lips part.

“I guess so. It’s hard though, when I left Paris there was no definitive yes or no to our relationship.” Tobin is watching her feet hit the ground with each step, “I think that’s what I’m having a hard time with. Do I move on or not?”

Christen thinks carefully about her reply, “I think that’s for you and Shirley to figure out.” 

And for the first time Tobin is relieved and not saddened to be talking about this particular topic, “how would I bring that up, we almost never talk now.”

“Look, it’s only been a few weeks, right? Maybe you should give it some time. Vero and I didn’t end things until I had been back in the States for three months.” Christen places her hand on Tobin’s arm to console the brunette, knowing she was having a difficult time thinking through this. 

She continues, “Now is not the time, now is the time for ice cream.” Tobin looks up to catch the woman’s beutiful green eyes and a gleaming smile. Christen opens the door to the ice cream place for Tobin and just like that Tobin can feel air rush back into her lungs. In her mind, Tobin is relieved the conversation is over but more relieved that Christen was able to pick up on the queue that she was getting upset. Christen grabs her hand and pulls her to the flavors on the far side of the shop.

“Want to split a sundae, my treat.” Christen offers.  
“You read my mind.” Tobin answers.


	3. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin begins to admit that maybe things aren't where she thought they were.

When the box hit the floor you could hear the glass shatter. Tobin looks over to Allie with what could only be described as a look of displeasure.

“Look, I’m sorry, but it was heavy, okay? How else was I supposed to put it down?” Allie exclaims.

“You could have put it on the counter. Now, everything is probably broken.” Tobin walks over, careful to open the box without causing more damage. Allie walks through the new apartment Tobin just purchased, showing herself around as if it’s her second home. She finds her way to the navy blue suede couch that is only one of three pieces of furniture Tobin has picked up since signing the lease. 

She lets herself fall into the cushions, “Oh yeah, this is comfy.” She closes her eyes and pretends to fall asleep while Tobin feels around the box, trying to determine what is broken. She releases a small chuckle when she sees the blonde, seemingly passed out on the couch.

“Hey, don’t get too comfy. We have more stuff to unpack.” Tobin gestures toward the wall of boxes in front of the door when she catches Allie’s glance. 

“Ahh, do we have to do it now? We just got done with training. I want to get lunch instead.” 

“You straight up, sound like a child.” Tobin states, but knowing she was in partial agreement since she had breakfast about six hours ago, “where do you want to go? I don’t have anything here.” she says.

“Are you kidding? I wouldn’t let you feed me anyway. Let’s go!” Allie takes a jab at Tobin’s cooking skills but Tobin knows just as well that what her friend said is true. It probably wouldn’t be a pleasant experience for anyone if Tobin cooked. She pushes the box to the side and grabs her wallet, following Allie out of the apartment. 

The two women settle on a quaint restaurant where they both enjoy the salads. When the waitress comes over they already know what they want to order and the whole process is quick and painless for everyone. Allie and Tobin haven’t spent a lot of time together since camp ended, partially because Allie has been spending time with Bati and partially because Tobin has been purposely avoiding any conversation about Shirley. Allie knows this so she steers clear of the subject when they are together. Instead, Allie decides to ask Tobin about something else. 

The blonde places her fork on the side of her plate and takes a sip of water, “so, how is Christen?” she asks. Tobin continues to chew her food but is now looking at Allie with a confused look on her face.   
“She’s fine I guess, Chicago is doing well so I assume she is….” Tobin is cut off by Allie before she can go on about the brunette’s soccer season as if Allie didn’t already know.

“I don’t mean how soccer is going, I mean how are the two of you?” she continues to pick away at her salad. 

Tobin responds, “I’m not sure I know what you mean by “the two of us”?”

“Oh, come on Tobin! You two were nearly inseparable at camp. You never wanted to spend time with the group, it was just Christen and Tobin all the time.” Allie decides to clarify, “I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad or anything. Just curious how it went.”

Tobin still doesn’t really understand what Allie is getting at but figures she should give her something, “I mean it was nice spending time with Christen during camp. She helped me think through some things. I feel like she’s gone through something similar to what I’m currently going through.” She trails off a little, “it was helpful, felt good.”

“You know I’m sorry, right Tobs?”

“Sorry for what?” She replies.

“For badgering you about Shirley. I never meant for it to be uncomfortable, but I’m glad you had Christen there.” 

“Al, don’t worry about it.” The two friends nods towards each other in agreement, both acknowledging that they can move on.

“So you don’t have any feelings for Christen? You know she’s single, right?” Allie’s bluntness was never shocking for Tobin.

As friends Tobin and Allie always shared things with each other, ever since college. She wasn’t going to stop now. Tobin responds with a smirk on her face.

“I know she’s single.”

“And…” Allie says.

“And she’s intelligent, beautiful, and caring. I mean she’s pretty perfect and I guess over camp I started to see her in a new light, but let’s face it, I am not her type and it wouldn’t be smart to get involved with a teammate in the first place.” Tobin adds. 

“Oh please! Neither of those things have ever stopped you before!” Allie cries out with laughter. 

With the two of them laughing, Tobin shoves an unmanageable amount of lettuce in her mouth trying terribly hard not to choke.

“We’ll see.” She says.

 

________

 

Three weeks later Tobin is in a much better place than she had been when she first arrived back in the states. The season with the Thorns was in full swing and she couldn’t be happier but she knew deep down inside that it was not just the soccer that had been making her perk up. Tobin and Christen had been exchanging e-mails and text messages on a pretty consistent basis since camp ended and it was one of the things that Tobin looked forward to almost every day. The brunette could feel herself developing feelings for the dark-haired women and knew that perhaps Allie was right. There is more going on between her and Christen than she thought. But Tobin convinced herself that Christen’s early morning texts and e-mailed stories about her crazy teammates were all an effort by Christen to cheer Tobin up. That Christen was being a good friend and teammate and that the woman had no other intentions. Until today. 

When Tobin got home from training she immediately made her way to the fridge, prepared to devour anything she could find. All she found was a banana and peanut butter which she figured would work for now. She plopped down on her couch and opened her computer, clicking through whatever was necessary to get to her e-mail. At the top of her inbox there was a message from Christen with the words, “I was thinking…” in the subject line. Excited and curious Tobin opens the e-mail and scans through the words, too eager to find out what Christen was thinking. The e-mail read:

Hi Tobs-

Hope you had fun last night hanging out with the girls! My night consisted of JJ and I   
putting together IKEA furniture, we eventually succeed but it wasn’t easy :). Anyway, I   
was looking over our travel calendar and realized that we play in Portland the week after   
next and then report to camp in L.A. two days after that. I was thinking of maybe staying   
in Portland until then (shorter flight and all)? Obviously in a hotel but maybe you can spend   
some time showing me around? No pressure, just let me know. Would love to see you either way.

Chris

When Tobin finished reading her smile spread from ear to ear and butterflies filled her stomach. With the way they have been talking, it was certain that they were going to spend some time together when Chicago came to Portland, but Tobin was excited about the prospect of Christen staying a few extra days. Tobin looked around her apartment. Since she had moved in she had done a better job of furnishing the place but it still needed work. Besides the necessities the place was bare, Tobin’s 50 inch plasma rested on the floor which is where almost everything else rested as well. There was barely any food in the fridge, no curtains on the windows which made for the early morning sun waking her up, however, in Portland that didn’t happen too often. After scanning her place and thinking of how to spiff it up she returns her attention to her laptop and clicks reply at the bottom of the page. 

Chris!

That sounds perfect! I could for sure show you around Portland (at least the places I   
know of). Are any of the other players coming with you because if it’s just you, you’re   
more than welcome to stay with me, no need for a hotel. I’m excited, good plan :).

Full disclosure: We’re going to have to share my bed if you stay with, but it is huge so   
we’ll be o.k.

T

Without reading over the e-mail Tobin clicks send with a smile and gets up to hunt for more food. Within minutes she hears her phone ding with a message. 

Christen: Read the e-mail. Yay! I’ll make sure it’s just me :)

Tobin replies with four letters g-o-o-d and turns the screen to her phone off. She grabs her keys and wallet and heads out the door and down the elevator. She knocks relentlessly on the resident’s door without stopping until it swings open.

“Geez Tobs, could you knock any harder?” Allie exclaims.

“Grab your things. We need to go furniture shopping.”


	4. Anticipation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen and Tobin's relationship is about to shift, but will it amount to anything?

Wednesday

Christen washes every piece of clothing she owns, all the way down to her oversized grandma sweater she only wears in the winter time. She whole-heartedly knows she won’t have the opportunity to wear it in Portland, it was only September. But the anticipation of spending time alone with Tobin had made her frantic and anxious and she wanted to have all her clothing options available to her when deciding what to pack. 

“What am I going to wear?” She says to herself aloud, “breathe, just breathe, this is not a big deal.” No matter how hard she tried throughout the day to calm her nerves about the upcoming weekend, she couldn’t get a grip on them. Her roommate, Julie, could hear the raucous coming from Christen’s room and was getting concerned. It wasn’t like Christen to make so much noise, in fact, Christen was known for her mouse-like steps around the apartment. Julie never knew where Christen would pop-up in the apartment.

“Hey Chris, everything okay in there?” She asks the question from her room across the hall where she stood packing her own bag for the weekend. She could still hear movement in Christen’s room but no answer. Julie tosses the shirt she’s holding and walks towards her teammate’s room to check in. The room normally pristine and neat looked as if a closet had just exploded. She could see Christen rummaging through it all as if she were looking for something in particular. Julie couldn’t understand why, Christen had packed for weekend games a million times, why all of a sudden is she doing this. A few minutes later she is finally able to get Christen’s attention, “Chris! What’s going on in here? Are you moving out or something?” she asks. The curly-haired brunette whips around, surprised. 

“Oh Julie!” She shouts, but takes a long breath and falls to her bed almost immediately, defeated, “I have no idea what to pack.” 

“What do you mean you have no idea? Sweats, shirts, cleats, you know the drill. What’s with all this?” Julie replies.

“No, no, I know that stuff to pack. I am packing for something else.”

“Camp? Chris it’s pretty much the same list.” At this point Julie starts to pick up that perhaps her friend is not packing for either one of those things. “Unless you’re going somewhere I don’t know about?” Julie walks over to take a seat next to her friend who looks like she needs more than what Julie is giving her.

“I’m staying in Portland before we leave for camp in LA.” 

“Okay, but that still doesn’t explain the situation we are sitting in right now.” Julie gestures to the clothes sprawled all over the floor. 

“I’m staying with Tobin.” Before Christen could control the words leaving her mouth they were already out. Immediately Christen realizes the mistake she’s made and tries to retract her statement, “...like she’s going to show me around and stuff for a few days.”

Julie’s face is distorted in a way that conveys pure confusion, “if you’re staying with Tobin, why are you at a lost for what to pack. Tobin won’t care” the blonde replies. Christen contemplates what Julie says and figures that she could get away with this if she just goes along with it. Maybe now is not the time to tell Julie about this.

“Yeah, you’re right” trying to play off a laugh, “I don’t know what I was thinking.” Christen smiles like Julie had just fixed all her problems and Julie reciprocates with a smile.

“So you’re good now? Do you want help putting this stuff away?” the blonde stands up and starts picking up clothes from the floor, but before Julie can get a response from Christen, the dark-skinned woman piles her face into her hands.

“Jules! No, I’m not okay! I’m sorry, I can’t lie to you, I’m freaking out!” Christen could not hold it in anymore. Her hands were on the verge of shaking and her stomach was in knots. She needed her friend to help her out and talk her through this.

Julie immediately throws her arm over Christen’s shoulders, “Chris, everything’s going to be fine. Just tell me what is going on” Julie says, “you’re scaring me here.” 

Christen takes three deep breathes and considers what she is actually going to tell Julie. Is there anything to even tell her? Deep down inside Christen knows that trust is not a question when it comes to their friendship. Internally, the curly-haired woman has been dying to share the events that occurred over the past few weeks but feared that it would be pointless. But Christen needs support now and she knows she can get it from Jules. 

“I’m staying with Tobin. But there’s a bit more to the story” Jules has a worried look on her face but nods for Christen to continue, “when we were in camp last time, Tobin and I got close. We’ve been talking these past few weeks and I think that there’s maybe something there.” Christen is now the one with the worried look. When she looks up to see Julie’s eyes she can’t help but notice the giant smile spread across her face and in less than a second, Julie’s expression completely flips.

“What is that smile for? You look like you’re picturing my head as a giant ice cream or something!” Christen urges her to stop smiling.

“Are you done Chris?” 

Christen nods in affirmation, not sure what else she should say.

“Ok, one, I’m kind of upset you didn’t tell me this earlier and two. Chris! This is great, you know I love Tobin and the best part is that this means you’re over Vero!” The words seamlessly fall from Julie’s mouth and Christen is somewhat surprised by them. Julie continues, “wait, is Tobin the person you’ve been secretly texting these past few weeks?” 

Surprised, Christen responds, “Yeah, I didn’t know anyone noticed that.” 

“I knew it! You were being so sneaky. And all those dinners during camp you ditched out on to go to dinner with Tobs. I should have known there was something else going on!” Julie leans in to hug Christen after this statement, “honestly Chris, I think this is great. How does Tobin feel about it all?” 

“That’s the thing. I don’t really know. She just moved back, it’s not clear what’s going on with her and Shirley.” Christen’s stomach turns when she says Shirley’s name, realizing that she’s unsure if the woman is still in the picture, “I am not sure of anything right now.”

“How did this all start?” Julie asks.

“I don’t know. I just started to notice these things about Tobin that I really liked and appreciated.” Christen expresses, “I started to really adore her but I didn’t think anything was going to happen and now we’re here.” 

“You think Tobin feels the same way?”

“I have no clue, but I hope so. I mean, I took it as a good sign that we’ve been talking more and this weekend but then there’s the whole Shirley situation” Christen’s voice trails off like her mind was thinking about something else.

Julie grabs Christen’s hand in hers, “Look, Tobin is a good person. She would never do something to jeopardize your relationship. Maybe she just needs more time to figure it out and spending time with you is a part of that process, just take it slow” Christen knows everything Jules says is right, “now let’s find something smoking hot for you to wear this weekend” Julie shoots a cheesy wink towards the brunette and suddenly all the nerves dissipate and the two women start looking through blouses and jeans. 

While the two of them are matching outfits and trying on things, Christen is reminded of the appreciation she has for Julie. She hasn’t let more than ten minutes fly by without telling Christen how excited she is for her. Through all these years she’s been the level-headed friend who always helped Christen through her worst times, including her break-up with Vero. And now Julie is going to support her through this nerve-wracking weekend, it’s exactly what she needs. 

Two hours later, Christen zips up her bag and places it to the side of the front door. Julie returns to her room to finish throwing t-shirts and a pair of leggings in her bag, zips it up and tosses it to the side. As she begins her night routine, Christen pops her head into her room.

“Thanks, Jules. I owe you.” Christen offers her a warm smile.

“No problem” the blonde returns the smile, “hey, chris. I have a question.”

“Yeah?” 

“How long has it been?” Julie asks. Christen knows this question could go one of two ways and she’s not sure about its intended meaning. She says nothing. Julie continues, “since you’ve had feelings for Tobin?”

Julie stops what she’s doing and makes eye contact with Christen. Her face tells Christen how genuine the question is.

“It’s been awhile I guess, maybe a year. I thought it would go away.” Christen says with a hint of embarrassment. 

Julie smiles again, “Well, Tobin better not mess this up. She would be crazy to walk away from you.” 

____

Thursday

The flight went by quicker than Christen had anticipated. Julie decided to use the flight to catch up on all her TV shows that she has missed over the past few weeks and was gracious enough to let Christen join in. When they landed Julie knew that Christen would need a pep talk, she could sense her nerves getting the best of her. 

“Christen. Don’t over think this weekend. Just have a good time with Tobin, no expectations of anything. That’s the best way to handle the unknown.” She says to Christen as the two are deboarding the plane, making sure the other players wouldn’t hear.

“Yeah, you’re right. I won’t see her until Saturday at the game, so I have some time to chill.” Christen says and Julie agrees the time is much needed. 

When the team arrives at the hotel, Christen hopes that she is rooming with Julie but gets assigned to room with a different teammate. Christen’s convinces herself that it’s for the best that she is rooming with someone else and this will give her the opportunity to prepare for the game instead of focusing on what is happening after. When Christen enters the room she takes a seat on the far bed, looks up to her new roommate, Sofia, “Is it cool if I take this one?”

“Yep.” Sofia walks to put her stuff down and tells Christen she’s going for a coffee run. Christen nods and takes out her phone to entertain herself in the meantime. There are two messages from Tobin.

Christen’s fingers fumble over each other as she quickly tries to open them. She sees Tobin’s message first.

Tobin: Hey, did you make it to Portland yet?

The message was in response to a picture Christen had sent earlier. The photo was of her waiting in the security line at the O’Hare airport with an exaggerated pout on her face. It was Christen’s least favorite part of traveling, but somehow this time the unpleasantness was diminished by the thought of seeing Tobin in a few days. 

She rests her body on the comforter below her and contemplates how to respond to the message.

Christen: Yes! We just got to the hotel. I’m surprised at how sunny it is outside.

The second message Tobin sends needs some time to download, but once it does Christen examines the picture. It looks like a picture of Tobin’s apartment but Christen can’t be sure. The place looks nicely furnished and clean, far nicer than Christen was expecting.

Christen: Wow, someone keeps their apartment pretty sharp!

A few seconds pass.

Tobin: I only cleaned the place because I knew you were coming. And I bought some new furniture.

Christen doesn’t know whether to be flattered or nervous at the thought that Tobin went out and bought new furniture for her apartment for Christen’s visit. Is that to self-centered to think? Maybe she just hasn’t had time to furnish her apartment since she’s been back from France? She knows Tobin is a minimalist and could have gone the whole year without anything but a bed. Christen chooses to be flattered. 

Christen: You know you didn’t have to do that. It would have been fine with how it was. 

Seconds.

Tobin: Trust me, it wasn’t fine.

A minute.

Tobin: Can’t wait to see you.

Christen has to admit that she is somewhat surprised by Tobin’s message but she catches herself with lips spread cheek to cheek. 

Christen: Me too. 

____

 

It has been days since Tobin has given any thought to anything other than Christen’s visit. After her impulsive invite she made sure to give herself time to reflect on the whole situation, knowing that this would be taking her relationship with Christen to a place it hasn’t been yet. In her heart, there were no reservations about this weekend. She was happy that Christen had agreed to wait to see each other until game day, to stay focused on the game, but there was a part of Tobin that wished she could see her sooner. She was going to have to wait just a little longer.

____

Saturday

Tobin was going about her normal gameday routine of doing close to nothing. She had woken up early and grabbed coffee and brunch with Allie but was now back at her apartment awaiting her departure for their afternoon game. She hadn’t heard from Christen since yesterday so she figured she would get in touch with her to talk about plans after the game. Turning to her phone, she looks up Christen’s number and hits the dial button, unsure if the woman would answer. Then, in an instant, Tobin feels the butterflies crowd her stomach and nerves rush through her veins at the moment she hears the woman’s voice.

“Hi!” Christen says, on the other side of the line. Tobin can hear noise in the background but it doesn’t deter her from enjoying the comfort of the dark-skinned woman.

“Hey!” Tobin clears her throat, “how’s Portland treating you?” her nerves get the best of her at this moment and she immediately regrets the cheesy greeting.

“It’s good, we just grabbed some pre-game caffeine. A necessity as always.” Christen replies.

“Yeah, tell your teammates that won’t help.” Tobin chuckles, hoping Christen will appreciate the harmless trash talk.

“Oh, are we taking it there? Don’t get me started Heath, you might not like what you get.” the tone in Christen’s voice is flirtatious and fun. Tobin laughs, mostly because she finds it cute Christen thinks she can trash talk when Tobin has never heard her say a hurtful thing in her life.

“No, I won’t start. Forget I said anything.” Tobin offers a truce, “I was actually calling to see what your plans are for after the game?” Usually very confident when it comes to girls, Tobin is finding herself caught up on words and constantly having to clear her throat. 

“Oh, let me think. The team heads to the airport a few hours after the game but I can bring my stuff to the stadium and head out with you, if that’s okay?” the woman’s voice has lost a little of its confidence as well.

“Cool, that’s what I was hoping. I got us reservations for 8.” Tobin says over the phone as she walks through her apartment, making sure everything looks good.

“That sounds great. I’ll plan on meeting you after the game then?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool, I’ve got to go, but Tobin?”

“Yeah, Chris?”

“Try not to cry when we win?” 

“Oh, it’s on Chris!” Tobin hangs up the phone with a huge smile on her face and a renewed excitement for the next few days.

Both Christen and Tobin start the game, and the two teams battle physically for ninety minutes. Christen could hardly hear her teammates communicating with the roar of the supporter’s section, this she had forgotten or perhaps left out of her memory about playing in Portland. The Thorns gets a few good looks at goal but end up short every time. In the 77th minute, Christen gets on the end of a perfect service from the midfield and chips it over the Thorns goalie. In her celebration, she briefly finds Tobin and winks in her direction. Tobin smiles and winks back, hoping none of the fans or teammates witnessed the exchange. Tobin is thirsty for an equalizer but it never comes and the whistle is blown. The two women find each other on the field after the game, Tobin approaches the curly-haired brunette with Allie and Meghan in tow. When Tobin goes into hug Christen she takes in everything about her in their quick embrace. How she feels against her own body, her shape, her smell. When she releases her arms from the beautiful woman she can’t wait until the next time she will be able to hold her. 

“So Chris, I hear you’ll be hanging with us for the next few days?” Allie asks. 

“Yeah, Tobin was generous enough to let me stay with her before camp” she uses her elbow to nudge Tobin who smiles.

“Um, have you seen Tobin’s apartment? I’m not sure I would call it generous.” Meghan says, having only seen Tobin’s apartment when she first moved in.

“Hey, I cleaned it up. It looks great now! Like a real human lives there.” Tobin tries to defend herself. 

The women chuckle knowing how hard it is for Tobin to be an adult sometimes. Allie and Meghan notice how close Tobin and Christen are standing next to each other, and exchange curious looks with each other. A few seconds later, Julie walks over to say hello to her national teammates but also to play wing-woman to Christen if she needs it. 

“So where are we all going to dinner?” Meghan asks. Christen deflects the question to Tobin knowing she had already made plans. The curly-haired brunette wondered if their dinner plans included Allie and Meghan, she’s not sure she would have minded but like Tobin she was looking forward to spending some time alone. 

“Actually Meghan, I made reservations for Chris and I at Andina’s.” Tobin looks at the brunette, “I hope you like Peruvian food.” she smiles. Christen doesn’t think she’s ever had Peruvian food but nods excitedly. When Christen meets Julie’s look, the blonde is smiling and nodding her head discretely. Christen takes this gesture as a Julie affirming her everything will go fine. For all the nerves she had leading up to this day, Christen feels nothing but comfort around Tobin. She feels like she is at home. 

“Geez, Tobin! What do I have to do to get you to take me to Andina’s?” Meghan exclaims. 

“Not be so annoying is a start.” Tobin says. Christen and Julie are being motioned to join the rest of the team in the locker room. 

Christen grabs Tobin’s arm gently turning her, “Where should I meet you?” 

“At the back exit, in 20?” Before she finishes, Christen’s arm releases Tobin’s and she’s on her way to the locker room with Jules. She turns back and smiles at Tobin, letting her know she heard her. The Thorns players remain on the field for a few minutes more.

When Tobin turns back to converse with her teammates she finds Meghan with a look that can only be described as confusion. 

“Ok, Tobs. What the heck is going on there? And don’t tell me nothing because anyone with two eyes can see there’s something brewing between you two.” Meghan says. Tobin looks towards Allie wondering if she said anything but the look on Allie’s face assures her she hasn’t. 

“I don’t know what’s going on. We’re just spending some time together” Tobin says.

“Oh, I get it “spending time together” is code for falling in love?” Meghan says with air quotes.

“Meghan, don’t give Tobs a hard time about this.” Allie interjects, “they are both adults, they can do what they want.” 

There is a dip in the conversation. After a few moments of quietness, Tobin looks over to Meghan, squinting her eyes to determine whether what she’s about to say next is going to cause a commotion. 

“There may be some feelings there.” Tobin says with a grin taking over. Meghan’s eyes explode with excitement and joy.

“Tobs, I’m so on board with this. I love Christen!” Meghan expresses. 

“Calm down, Kling. There’s nothing going on right now. And you can’t say anything to anyone.” Tobin stresses, “I don’t even know if Chris feels the same way.” 

“I don’t know but I imagine you will find out soon.” Meghan grins with a wink.

The three women laugh and head to the locker room with arms draped over each other’s shoulders. Tobin quietly reflects on what Meghan said. She’s right. If anything is going on between Christen and her, she will probably know in the next few hours. Suddenly, Tobin is overcome with a rush of anticipation and a feeling she can’t explain. All she knows is the feeling is warm and kind. It’s a feeling of passion and love. A feeling she hasn’t had in awhile.


	5. The Weekend

Tobin shivers at the coldness brought on by her wet hair as she quickly walks to the back exit of Providence Park. The post-game debrief took longer than she expected, and she was ten minutes late meeting Christen. Her bag, full of clothes and cleats, continued to bounce off her hip with every step, slowing her down. When she turned the corner she saw the curly-haired forward standing against the wall with a large bag next to her feet. A wave of warmth came over the her, relieved she was still there. 

“Chris, I’m sorry. That took way longer than I thought.” she apologizes while adoring the dark, wet curls tucked behind Christen’s ears. 

“It’s okay, I’m just glad you didn’t forget about me” she replied jokingly. Tobin leans over to pick up the woman’s bag, “Tobin, no! I can get that.”

“I know you can, but I want to” says the brown-eyed woman with a gentle smile, “Is that okay?”, Christen couldn’t help but feel pampered and nods in response. Tobin gestures toward the open double doors, “shall we?” 

“Sure, where are we going?” 

“To my apartment first. I have to change before we go to dinner.” Tobin says looking down at her sweats and sneakers. If it weren’t for Christen, Tobin would be completely comfortable remaining in her sweats for the rest of the night and ordering take out while she vegged out at home.

“Perfect. Me too.” Christen says excitedly, continuing to follow Tobin, assuming they were headed to the woman’s car, “where did you park?”

 

The woman lugging bags on both of her shoulders glances at Christen with a smirk on her face, “my car is parked at my apartment, I literally live two blocks from here.” Christen is surprised but only for a moment.

“Of course you would.” Christen retorts, shooting a wink to Tobin when they catch each other’s glance.

While the women are walking they never seem to allow more than six inches of space between them. Tobin makes sure to avoid the front entrance of the park that is still being occupied by fans. The two enter Tobin’s apartment building minutes later, and exchange cordial hellos with the doorman while making their way to the elevator. When Tobin gets to her apartment door, her hands can’t seem to stop shaking and she knows cowards a little knowing Christen can hear the jingling of her keys in her hands. She knew her nerves were bound to get the best of her, but now? We haven’t even entered the apartment yet, she thinks to herself. Christen senses that Tobin is nervous as she stumbles to find her key to the apartment and places her hand on the back of the woman’s arm, hoping to ease the shaking.

“Are you okay, Tobs?” genuine concern coming through in the woman’s voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Totally! I think I may have have too much coffee today.” Tobin laughs off the obvious tension building between her and the beautiful woman next to her. Christen offers Tobin a smile and takes the keys from her hand.

“Is it this one?” Tobin nods and lets the woman take the place in front of her to unlock the door.

Christen helps herself into the apartment and walks slowly through, taking in the ambiance, the smell, everything. The simple open-floor layout decorated with hand-crafted woodwork and monotone colors suits Tobin’s personality perfectly.There is nothing in the space that surprises Christen and she notices the stark difference in the addition of some of the new furniture against the old.

“So, this is your place?” Christen continues to move through the apartment, looking out of two large windows onto the Portland skyline.

“Yeah, it’s nothing too fancy but I like it.” Tobin says as she places Christen’s bag in her bedroom. Christen turns around to notice that much like the rest of the apartment, Tobin’s bedroom is open. There is no door and instead of a fourth wall, the bedroom opens into the hallway, “besides Allie, you’re officially my first guest.” Tobin continues. 

“I feel honored.” She responds. 

“I’m just going to change really quick and then you can use my room to change, is that cool?” 

“Um, yeah. That’s fine, should I stand over here.” She says from the living room which cannot see into the bedroom. Tobin considers her response for a moment but doesn’t hesitate to answer.

“No, you don’t have to” her voice slightly cutting out on the last syllable. They had seen each other bare tons of times in the locker room, but when the words left Tobin’s mouth, she knew the circumstances were different. She needed to gauge the woman’s feelings and this was a start. Christen walks over to her bag which Tobin has placed on her bed. She watches the brunette ruffle through her closet, trying to decide what to wear. Christen does the same with the clothes in her bag and the next time her eyes drift upward she sees nothing but the bare back of the midfielder in front of her. Her skin perfectly tanned and shadows scattered up and down where the light is shielded by the woman’s muscles. Christen’s eyes wander to the woman’s arms which are so perfectly sculpted and strong. She has always been in awe of how beautiful the woman was, but this moment the beauty is intimate and her appreciation is full of lust. On the verge of panic, Christen knows she has to tear her eyes away before Tobin catches her, but then Tobin’s joggers fall to the ground and her eyes continue to wander, smoldering with desire. Simultaneously, her body seems to lose control and Christen is fighting for it back, she diverts her eyes when Tobin shifts her body around.

“I’ll be in the bathroom” Christen says suddenly, moving towards the bathroom. Tobin nods, not completely oblivious to what was going on behind her. This first test had told her that this night was headed exactly where she wanted it to.

“This is insane. What am I doing? I need to control this.” She whispers to herself. The thoughts running through her mind don’t seem to stop or even slow. It’s been a year, too long since she has had feelings for Tobin. And now, she’s here. In Tobin’s apartment. Spending time alone with the woman she has grown to adore. But she was not expecting the physiological effect Tobin would have on her. The electricity pulsing through her body at the intimate sight of the other woman and the warmness surging between her legs. It was primal and something Christen has rarely felt before. 

She hears the brunette on the other side of the door, “hey Chris, my room is all yours.”   
Before she moves to open the door, she breathes, deep, to the point where it would be impossible for any more air to enter her lungs. She feels parts of her body start to steady although she’s not quite back to normal. Opening the bathroom door she sees Tobin sitting on the couch in the living room on her phone. Thank god she has clothes on now, Christen whispers to herself. She quickly throws on the clothes she had lined up for tonight and within minutes is ready. Her hair flowing in flawless natural curls and her outfit hugging her in all the right places, eye-liner highlighting her piercing green eyes.

“Alright, Tobs. I’m ready for this Peruvian feast.” Tobin chuckles. When she looks up at Christen’s body, she wants so badly to tell the woman how beautiful she is but nothing comes out of her mouth. When she catches Christen’s glance the two women exchange looks that let the other know just exactly what’s on their mind. In this moment, they both know, the days of being just teammates were over. 

___

At dinner, Tobin orders for the two of them and they share a bottle of wine. Throughout the night the table is filled with laughter both comedic and flirtatious. There are moments when Tobin’s hand falls upon Christen’s thigh and over the course of dinner, their seats seem to gravitate closer. Christen can’t remember the last time she has felt so free and happy. When she looks into the woman’s hazel eyes the whole world melts away and it is just them. She doesn’t feel the immense pressure of impressing anyone or think about being judged for how silly she is sometimes. With Tobin it was never hard to be happy. It had been years since anyone made her feel this way. 

When Tobin left Paris she wasn’t sure if it was the right choice, picking soccer over love. It’s always the hardest moving on from your first love, but tonight Tobin knew she made the right choice. Nothing and no one but Christen was on her mind and it became impossible for her to remove the smile from her face all night. In the moments when their skin would touch, Tobin would make sure it lasted as long as possible. And when those moments passed, she looked forward to the next one. 

Sitting on the side of the table, Tobin’s phone buzzes multiple times but she never thinks of looking at it, completely mesmerized by Christen’s company. It amazes her. Tonight she can feel herself thrown into wondering what love would be like with Christen. They talk about family and work like anyone on a first date would, even though these women have known each other for years. The conversation leads into Christen’s work abroad and even though Tobin doesn’t think she could respect the woman any more, she does in this moment. Later, Tobin shares with Christen her plans after soccer, something Christen has never heard before.

“I just want to make sure everyone has access to this sport. Not just the people who can afford it.” Tobin says about her future plans to help develop soccer in the US.

And in this exchange, the women realize their views of the world and values are more similar than they thought. 

By the end of dinner, Tobin can tell by the look on Christen’s face that she is exhausted. When the hazel-eyed woman finally looks at her phone to check the time, she realizes that they have been at dinner for over three hours. She could have easily looked around the restaurant to gather the same information. 

“Want to go home?” she asks. Without saying anything, Christen shakes her head up and down like a tired child. A warm smile overwhelms Tobin and the two women head home after Tobin settles the bill. Christen attempts to grab the check, to no avail, and Tobin laughs at the pitiful effort.

“Nice try, but you’re my guest. Remember?” Tobin responds. 

The events of this night were everything Tobin could have hoped for. She had put all her focus on Christen, that she overlooked the messages left on her phone from Shirley. It was the first time she had heard from the woman in over a month but right now, nothing mattered except the woman she was walking with.

____

When they reached Tobin’s apartment Christen can’t stand to be in her jeans any longer and immediately moves to throw on her pajamas and Tobin follows. Tobin can see how exhausted the woman is but there’s nothing she wants more than to selfishly continue the night. 

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” she asks. Christen knows that if she sits down to watch a movie she will be fast asleep within a matter of seconds but she doesn’t have the heart to say goodnight to Tobin just yet.

“Sure, as long as it’s not a scary movie.” She could not stand scary movies. It was probably better for Tobin as well, because chances were Christen’s bad dreams would keep both of them from sleeping. 

“No, I was thinking something different. Maybe a rom-com or action?” 

Christen nods as she yawns and heads towards the couch, “I’m good with either, you pick?” Tobin feels only slightly bad for keeping Christen from going to bed but she knew from years of knowing the woman that if she truly wanted to crash, she would. 

The two women take their seats on Tobin’s couch, dressed in sweats and oversized t-shirts, teeth brushed, hair loosely falling. Tobin notices that Christen has taken off her bra and grabs a blanket from a basket on the other side of the couch. 

“Here, it looks like you’re cold.” Tobin says with a huge grin on her face and her eyes gesturing towards the woman’s chest. Christen grabs the blanket and smacks it against Tobin’s arm, laughing out loud, not embarrassed but turned on that Tobin noticed. 

“Well, if weren’t so cold in here, I wouldn’t have this problem!” And just like that, a simple smile from Tobin has allowed life to re-enter the previously sleepy woman. 

Tobin leans forward to grab the remote control from the table and searches for movies on the TV. The movies that she pulls up on the screen are not ones that she would watch on her own but she chooses a random film, nervous Christen would fall asleep if she took much longer. She can feel the woman behind her snuggle closer with her legs curled up on the couch and the blanket draping over her shoulders. 

“Tobin?” She says softly.

Tobin turns around to look at Christen, unsure if she actually heard her name.

“Yeah Chris?” Christen frees her hand from under the blanket and reaches towards Tobin’s, fitting her hand inside the brunette’s and interlacing their fingers. She pulls the woman closer to her. Tobin’s heart is beating faster and faster with every new touch. The normally confident mid-fielder has lost all control as her hands move along the woman’s legs, fingers trembling. 

“Thank you for tonight” the words leave Christen’s lips and Tobin can’t stop looking at the green eyes in front of her. 

“You’re welcome” Tobin answers, “Chris?” 

“Yeah?” 

Tobin takes a deep breath and looks down at their fingers interlaced. She closes her eyes for a second to compose herself and convince herself this is not a dream. When she looks up, she sees the beautiful woman looking back at her longingly. Without saying anything she leans in and kisses the woman. Their lips move softly and slowly, taking their time to explore the curves and folds of the other woman’s lips. Tobin’s hand moves to cup Christen’s face and their movements flow together as the electricity shoots through their bodies. It’s passionate and timid. Tobin’s body is screaming for more but her mind relents and she pulls her lips away, the feeling lingers for moments. She closes her eyes and rests her forehead against Chris’s. The two stay motionless for seconds, taking in the smell and taste of each other. Christen clears her throat.

“Tobs. Was that okay?” she says, vulnerability evident in her voice. With her eyes still closed, leaning against Christen, the hazel-eyed woman gently smiles and nods.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for weeks” she insures Christen, “I wasn’t sure how you felt.” Christen takes Tobin’s hands and wraps them in her own. She parts from Tobin to allow a few inches between them and looks at the woman’s beautiful eyes, smiling.

“Same” she places a kiss on Tobin’s cheek and continues, “I know this is a hard time for you, a hard thing for both of us to do, but it feels right to me.” A few moments pass.

“It feels right to me too” and in this exchange the two women smile endlessly at the other and relief overtakes both of them. 

Christen had imagined this night for months but had never expected her dreams to become reality. Here she was, with a woman that she could love and the feelings were mutual. She had spent the past year convincing herself that waiting for Tobin was worth it. And she was right.

“Do you still want to watch a movie?” Tobin asks, sleepiness coming through in her voice now.

Christen nods and they sink into the couch. Tobin’s arm is draped over Christen’s body as the woman leans into the strong figure beside her, still exploring each other’s bodies to find the perfect comfort, regardless, it is still warm and welcoming. A few minutes pass and both women’s eyes are now heavy and tired. Neither has any clue what is happening in the movie, nor do they care. 

Tobin carefully maneuvers her body around Christen’s and wakes her, taking her hand and walking to the bedroom. They both slide under the covers and Tobin moves to place her body along Christen’s back, wrapping her arm around the woman’s torso. Christen, half asleep, grabs Tobin’s hand and cradles it under her chin, a warm smile overcoming her until the two women fall into their sleep together for what Christen hopes is the first of many.


	6. Comfort

When Tobin decided to move to Paris there was a lot she didn’t know. She wasn’t sure what she could expect, from the football to the people, but she had no other option with the WPS folding. Not only was Tobin walking into a different world, but her world was changing as well. 

In college, there were times when she felt confused about who she was and in a lot of ways it didn’t matter because she always had soccer. It was easy for her to be Tobin Heath the soccer star, then consider who Tobin Heath was without soccer. She put all her energy into playing and traveling to the point she was never able to give herself the time needed to figure out other aspects of her life, her personal life, a dating life. There were no serious relationships or relationships in general. It wasn’t a priority for her then but she knew one day she would have to face herself. 

She spent her first few weeks in Paris getting acquainted with the club. Paris-Saint Germain was moving up the ranks of European soccer and highly favored to win the Champions League this year. Tobin didn’t know many of the players well, she had played against a few of them on the international stage but never anything more. She was now a little fish in a big pond, and even though that was apparent in social situations, Tobin never backed-away from being daring on the field. 

After having time to settle in, one of Tobin’s teammates had planned an American Thanksgiving to welcome her American teammates to France. Tobin decided to go with her new protege, Lindsay, a fellow American fresh out of high school. Throughout the night Tobin remained reserved, laughing at stories and observing her teammates from a distance. She couldn’t help but notice a fellow teammate doing the same. Shirley Cruz. Tobin thought about how many times she had seen or played against the woman before. An international for Costa Rica, a captain and well-respected among the PSG family. The woman sat next to her at dinner, dark hair and brown complexion, smiling but quiet. She spooned some food on Tobin’s plate and heard her mumble something. 

“What?” Tobin asked, unsure how to respond.

“Debes comer.” It took Tobin a few seconds to realize that Shirley was speaking Spanish. She herself had taken some classes in the beginning of college and tried quickly to come up with a response.

“No quiero.” Tobin said like a spoiled child and a smirk on her face, a look of surprise on Shirley’s. The woman, excited and eager continued to say something to Tobin in Spanish but was stopped when she looked up to see Tobin’s reaction, confused and a bit frightened.

She put her hands in the air in surrender, “No, that’s about all I know” Tobin laughing, “but maybe you can help me learn more?” Shirley nodded and returned a warm smile..

That night Tobin and Shirley sat at the end of the long table chatting and exchanging stories with each other. It was the first time the young midfielder had felt a connection so strong and so quickly with another person that in that moment she hoped there would be something more than a friendship between them. For Tobin, this was both an easy and terrifying realization. On one hand, she was in a new country, with new people and felt free to be herself and act on a feeling she’s had for some time (the feeling of attraction to women). And on the other hand, she was delving into territory she knew she wouldn’t be able to back away from and considered the repercussions it could have on her career and family. But Tobin had been brave to leave the US and play soccer abroad and she decided to ride this wave out. 

Shirley was a few years older than Tobin and gave off an aura of confidence and appeal to others around her. She was never one to hide her love for women and that was attractive to Tobin. In the weeks following the Thanksgiving dinner, Tobin made an effort to spend time with Shirley whenever she could. At practice, the midfielder would line up behind Shirley for warm-ups and banter back in forth, stealing smiles and touches whenever she could. She made it known to the Costa Rican that she really wanted to improve her Spanish, throwing out phrases and conjugations in purposely horrible accents to get the woman to correct her. Shirley was charmed and it was only a matter of weeks before they developed pure adoration for each other. 

The touch of a woman was new to Tobin but when it happened for the first time, it was as if it was a feeling Tobin had waited for all her life. Shirley and Tobin had gone out to dinner one night in Paris and walked around the city for hours talking and falling deeper into each others trance. At the end of that night, standing outside of Shirley’s apartment, the dark-haired woman took Tobin’s hands in hers and pressed her lips softly against the hazel-eyed woman’s. Nothing held Tobin back from reciprocating the passion and afterwards, as Tobin returned to her apartment, she had succumb to the happiness and joy that she had prevented herself from having for so many years. This was the beginning of Tobin’s new life and one she was happy and excited to embark on. 

Over the next year, Tobin and Shirley had shared so many experiences with each other and grew together in a formative time of both those careers and lives. In those moments of pure joy, Tobin gave considerable thought to melding her life with Shirley’s and loving her forever. There was never a moment she thought she would have to live life without her. Until there was. 

When the U.S. head coach, Pia, decided to leave her post for a position with Sweden it shook up the national team dynamic. Tobin became aware of this and acknowledged that if she wanted to continue her shot at the national team, her dream, she would have to move back and play football in the U.S. When this realization blossomed she knew it would mean a lot of changes to her relationship with Shirley. Shirley was devastated when Tobin told her the plans to move back to the U.S. and play in Portland, but with a new league coming in, that meant Shirley could also make the move. The problem was, she didn’t want to. After weeks of fighting and arguing, the two settled on having a long distance relationship to see where things went. But for however much Tobin loved Shirley and wanted to spend the rest of her life together, she knew the day she left Paris that their relationship would never be the same. 

___

Christen’s eyes slowly open, being weighed down with sleepiness. The apartment was fairly dark and the woman was unsure what time it could have been. She turned around in Tobin’s bed expecting the woman to be there but was surprised when it was empty and cold. She sat up slowly, sore from the game yesterday and regretting that she didn’t foam roll her quads afterwards. She looked around the apartment, waiting to hear movements or a voice but there was nothing. She sheepishly got out of bed and walked towards the kitchen to gulp down a glass of water. No Tobin, where could she have gone? She looked over to the island counter across from her in the kitchen and realized Tobin had left her phone. Great. Christen walked over to the island and placed her glass down besides it, thinking about what Tobin could be doing right now and why she didn’t tell Christen. Her eyes were concentrated on the black screen of Tobin’s phone when it lit up. An incoming Facetime call. Christen panicked when she saw the screen, a picture of Tobin’s arms wrapped around a woman and the name on the screen. Shirley. 

Christen’s stomach dropped. She immediately diverted her eyes to something else. It’s fine, it’s okay. She moved to the living room and plopped herself down on the couch, hands unsteady and heart beating out of her chest. A similar physiologic effect as last night but for a entirely different reason. The brunette couldn’t sit still, she stood up and walked to the kitchen pacing back and forth. The screen on Tobin’s phone lights up again, three messages all from Shirley. At this point Christen heart sinks, what is going on? Did Tobin not end things with Shirley. 

A moment later she hears someone out in the hallway, laughter and chatter following. When the front door of the apartment swings open Tobin walks in carrying a load of goodies and has a bright smile on her face. Allie and Meghan follow behind, not surprised to see Christen standing in the hall in her pajamas. 

“Hey Chris! I picked up bagels and coffee. Hope you’re okay with that.” Tobin says as she walks over to Christen and places a kiss on her cheek. Meghan and Allie don’t let it go unnoticed and offer warm smiles to the two women. 

“Um yeah, that’s fine.” Meghan and Allie take to the bag of bagels and fix their coffees while Christen pulls Tobin to the side, “why didn’t you wake me when you left?”

“I’m sorry Chris, I thought you would want to sleep in.” Tobin notices the woman is not her normal self, “Chris, what’s wrong?” The woman’s green-eyes focus on Tobin’s phone on the counter, “someone has been trying really hard to get a hold of you.” Confused, Tobin walks over to her phone and taps the screen on.

Under her breath she exhales, “shit.” Christen sees all the energy escape from Tobin’s body. Without any further action she puts her phone back down and walks over to Christen with coffee, “don’t worry about it, she probably just wants to catch up” Tobin assures the woman and wraps her arm around her. 

“Are you sure?” Christen responds worried. 

“No, I’m not. But right now that doesn’t matter to me.” Tobin walks Christen over to the couch where Allie and Meghan are diving into their bagels and places a kiss on Christen’s head. 

“So that didn’t take long, you two lovebirds!” Meghan says and quickly lightens the mood. Allie sticks her elbow in the short-haired woman’s ribs, indicating that it’s too soon to joke about it. But Tobin and Christen don’t seem to mind since both of their minds are occupied with something else, “What? I think it’s great, now Christen can join Sunday bagel brunch.” 

Allie follows up, “It’s sort of a tradition that the three of us have bagels and coffee every Sunday when we’re in Portland together” Christen nods and smiles trying not to lead on that she’s worried about something else. The group continues to sip their coffee and eat their bagels while an EPL game plays on the TV. For the most part Christen has removed the thoughts of Shirley from her mind and is enjoying time with Allie and Meghan. Tobin sits next to Christen with her arm wrapped around her and the woman tucked into her side. 

While Tobin sits there on the couch silently taking in the environment around her, she is relaxed and enjoying having Christen besides her and her best friends. But she can’t help but feel the guilt of not returning Shirley’s calls. When Tobin woke this morning she was on cloud nine, breathing in the scent of Christen’s shampoo with her arms nestled around her. She figured Christen would be tired and wanted to let her sleep but she also knew Meghan and Allie would be waiting for her as per their Sunday routine. Gently removing her arms and herself from the bed she quickly brushed her teeth and hair, grabbed her wallet and began to head out. But before she did, she checked her phone. Ten text messages from Shirley since last night. At first, Tobin was worried that something happened and panicked, opening the messages and frantically reading through them. The messages were splattered with phrases like, “we’ve made a mistake”, “I never wanted you to leave”, “this can work”, and lastly “I love you”. These phrases, once powerful and loaded with sentiment, were no longer striking Tobin the way they should. But that didn’t mean that Tobin didn’t feel she owed it to Shirley to hear her out, because deep down inside, her heart was still controlled by the only woman she ever loved.


	7. Damage Control

The front door clicked shut with the exit of Tobin’s friends, her safety blanket for the moment, she took a deep breath and turned around to find Christen sitting alone on the couch. Her mind was obviously preoccupied, her eyes focused on something beyond the windows that Tobin could not identify. She took a few steps towards Christen but kept her distance, knowing the elephant in the room was about the be addressed. She didn’t know what to say or how to start but she knew she needed to say something. 

“Christen?” She said softly, although the woman remained stoic on the couch. There was no response verbally or physically, she was in another world. Tobin continued, treading lightly, “are you okay?” she moved closer to the woman and sat down next to her. She ached to touch her but stopped herself. 

Christen cleared her throat, “Did you ever talk to Shirley?” She stops herself, shaking her head. She was beyond lost and in her heart she wanted to believe that the woman she could love would not deceive her, “Tobin, how could you…” Tobin stopped her before she could continue.

“I did talk to her.” she said quietly, feeling the weight of Christen’s disappointment bearing down on her, “I told her I didn’t want to be in a emotional yo-yo with her anymore. I told her I was done. I talked to her. Trust me.” Christen remained still, feeling empty at the sight of Tobin’s body, slouched and deflated. Her eyes were pleading for Christen’s mercy.

“So what does she want?”

 

“I don’t think she’s taking it so well. At the end of our conversation we were just talking in circles, I couldn’t take it anymore so I ended it. I guess I didn’t really hear her out.” Tobin’s hands turn clammy and she feels her eyes starting to well up, nothing to do with Shirley but for Christen’s fleeing adoration. For fear that the kiss they shared last night would be the last and it was all her fault. Christen senses this, bring her hands up to cup Tobin’s face. 

“Tobs, it’s okay. I’m not mad, it’s just not a good feeling not knowing what is going on.” Her thumbs run circles along the brunette’s cheek, “I think you should call her.” Tobin’s eyes meet the beautiful sea of green in front of her with a look of confusion. 

“No, I don’t want to. Not while you’re here.” Tobin takes Christen’s hands in hers and pulls them to her chest, “I just want to be with you this weekend, I don’t want to think about Shirley.” Christen closes her eyes and nods.

“I want to be with you too. But not like this.” Hearing those words leave Christen’s lips were daggers in Tobin’s heart, “You need to hear out Shirley, you owe it to her. We can’t keep whatever this is going unless I know that’s been figured out.”

Christen gets up from the couch and runs her hands through her hair and over her face. She looks exhausted and tired but there is a glimmer of calmness in her eyes, “I’m going to Meghan’s apartment, I can stay there for however long I need to.”

“Chris, you don’t have to do that.” The brunette says but knows that this is perhaps the best option, “I don’t want you to go.”

Christen walks over and places a gentle kiss on Tobin’s forehead, “I’ll wait for you. I promise.” She grabs her phone and makes a quick call to their mutual friend, the conversation is short and at it’s conclusion Christen picks up her bag and throws in her toiletries. Without another word she opens the door and is gone. 

Tobin sits, paralyzed by silence and what it meant. She was unable to control the tears streaming down her face and one by one they landed on her hand resting upon her knee. The woman was torn between chasing after Christen and immediately calling Shirley to get it over with. If this thing with Christen was going to go anywhere, she knew she would have to do what the woman asked. The phone in her hand showed Shirley’s number on the screen with her thumb hovering over the green dial button. Tobin was having a hard time controlling the thoughts running through her mind, feelings flooded her and she could not decipher what to do or feel. It was partly fear. Fear of the unknown. Even though she knew what she wanted, which was being with Christen, she couldn’t help but acknowledge Shirley could say things that would change her mind completely. That she could fall back in love with the woman because it was comfortable and easy. But would it really be that easy? Would she be able to wake up with the woman she loved by her side like other couples? Would they build new memories as they did during their time in Paris? Would she be happy? It was a fantasy. A reality that passed and something she would never feel again with Shirley. She was holding on to a dream. 

Her thumb touched the glass screen and she placed the coldness against her ear. The dial tone went once before the woman’s voice could be heard on the other side of the line. Surprising given the time change. 

“Tobin.” Shirley says softly, “thanks for calling me back. I need to talk to you about this.”

“I know you do,” Tobin starts, “but before you begin I need to say something to you.” In the most genuine and caring tone she relinquishes the truth to the woman she once loved, “I know you think this is a mistake, but I’m tired. I am physically and emotionally tired and I can no longer convince myself that this relationship is making me happy. For months I have lost sleep and been perpetually sad because it has become impossible for me to see the light at the end of this tunnel. I loved you, for two years, I truly loved you. But now, there is someone else who makes me feel that way and I don’t want to lie to you about that. I just want you to know I did not break things off because of her, I broke things off because I realized that I deserve to be happy. And so do you.” 

There was silence on the end of the line, but Tobin could hear a faint sniffle. When Shirley finally did speak, the hurt in her voice was apparent.

“Who is she?” was all she said.

“It doesn’t matter.” 

“It matters to me.” Shirley responds.

“I’m not going to tell you, that’s not what this conversation is about.” Tobin tries to change the subject.

“It is what this conversation is about because you made it about that.” Anger now coming through in Shirley’s tone. Tobin doesn’t say anything although she is rubbing her head with her fingers knowing nothing good will come out of this. 

“I called you because I wanted to hear you out and give you the opportunity to say what you needed.” Tobin says, “I didn’t call you to get in a fight or argue about breaking up. This is what I want.” This time it was Shirley’s turn to be silent. 

“I still love you.” Shirley pleads. Tobin doesn’t know how to respond, she thinks of all the possible things she can say without making matters worse but she knows she can not tell Shirley she loves her too, even though it is still partially true. 

“I know. It’ll take time. I’ll always be here for you.”

“Yeah” the voice is barely audible, “bye, Tobs.” And before she has to opportunity to say anything she hears a click. When the call is over she releases all the tension that has built up in her shoulders falling back into the couch. The first thing Tobin wants to do is run to Meghan’s apartment and chase after the woman she kissed last night but Christen deserves more time to process this and the brunette knows that. 

She spends the next few hours mulling around her apartment unsure of what Christen would be thinking or doing in this moment. She considers calling or texting her just to let her know that she called and was ready to talk but felt it would be ingenuous so soon after. She feared that perhaps Christen changed, and thoughts raced through her about the hurt and awkwardness that would occur at the upcoming camp. It became more painful every moment she spent away from Christen and approached the point she could no longer handle it. Tobin needs someone to talk to, she needs someone to help control her impulses. She texts Allie to meet her at the coffee shop down the street as soon as she can. Moments later she gets a confirmation that the blonde is on her way. Tobin grabs her keys and starts down the street, thinking about what she’s going to say, her thoughts quickly shift to how she’s going to make this up to Christen and what she’s going to do over the next two nights to prove to Christen how committed she is to this relationship.


	8. A mistake

Her hands were shaking uncontrollably and her stomach turned circles around itself, nothing felt good. The door in front of her lended a surface to lean on which was support she needed, but did not realize was desperate for. Her knees buckled under her and her body began to release as the tears ran down her face. The sobs were quiet at first but picked up rapidly, forcing the dark-skinned woman to release sounds she hoped would not be heard. The lock of the door unclicked and Meghan stood in the doorway confused until her eyes immediately found Christen squatting in front of her door, her body looking defeated.  
“Chris!” she moved to cradle to woman in her arms, “hey, what’s wrong? What happened?” Her hand moved to caress the woman’s back, comforting the visible pain. Christen said nothing, allowing momentarily for the sobs to take over, her breath was short and her eyes remained closed, protecting the brunette from the worry on Meghan’s face.   
“Let’s go inside, you’ll be more comfortable.” She leaned over to grab her friend’s bag and guided her into her apartment. After she got Christen comfortable on her couch she darted to the kitchen, her hand found the nearest glass and filled it with water that she held in front of her guest, “Chris, what happened?” The dark-skinned woman waved her hand in between them, conveying that she didn’t want to talk about it, “You have to tell me, I’ve never seen you like this” her hand continued to rub the back of the crying woman, “you’re scaring me.” Moments of quietness filled the apartment aside from the soft sniffles coming from the woman on the couch, Meghan watched as the pain seemed to subside, slowly Christen became more and more calm. She didn’t say anything to her friend, patiently waiting until Christen was comfortable speaking on her own terms. Meghan walked to the bathroom and returned with toilet paper waddled up in clumps, “sorry, I don’t have Kleenex” she offered to Christen.   
The curly-haired woman cleared her throat and found the eyes of her friend, “This is so pathetic,” she chuckled bringing light to the mood. Meghan gave her a half smile in return, “Kling?”  
“Yeah?” Her voice was quiet and questioning.  
“You know Tobin and I have been--”  
“Yes, we all know.” Her answer surprised Christen, “Chris, it’s pretty hard to ignore with the way you two look at each other. I didn’t think Tobin’s smile could get any bigger but then it did.” The words were both gentle and daggers in Christen’s heart.  
“She’s still with Shirley.” The woman’s voice trailed off both sad and ashamed at the revelation.  
“Wait, what?” genuine shock laced in her tone, “No, Tobin wouldn’t do that, I’ve known her forever, she would never--” Christen stopped her, her head moved up and down in a swift motion while her jaw remained stoic. She forced the tears back again.   
“I didn’t know.” Christen said, “And last night, we--” She stopped because she couldn’t stand to say the rest of the sentence. Meghan didn’t say anything. She, herself was shocked that Tobin could do such a thing.   
“Press, this isn’t your fault. I know you didn’t know. All of us thought Tobin had ended things with Shirley. We were rooting for you.” Her smile was dim and tight-lipped, this wasn’t an easy situation for anyone.  
“Do you think I can stay here for a bit? Maybe even until we leave for camp?” The dried tears on Christen’s face left a salty residue that Christen desperately wanted to wash away but she waited there, hoping that they would somehow dissipate without effort.  
“Of course. You can stay as long as you want.”   
Christen didn’t leave Meghan’s couch that day. She kept her phone far away, avoiding any need to interact with anything outside Meghan’s apartment. Her body, a stark contrast to the strong woman on the field the day before, never looked as delicate as she was now. Meghan sat with Christen on the couch as they watched numerous episodes of Game of Thrones. The show seemed to soothe Christen in a strange way, making her realize that perhaps she didn’t have it as bad as Robb Stark in season 3. The curly haired woman found a cold shower refreshing and needed, since they had decided to go out for dinner. When she had looked at her phone for the first time that day she hoped to see Tobin’s name flash across the screen. But there was nothing. She was shocked by the hurt the absence of message left. Later than night, still nothing. Christen started to consider that maybe Tobin had realized she made a mistake and rekindled her relationship with Shirley. The feeling tore her apart once more. She internalized the pain, pretending everything was fine whenever Meghan asked, but she truly feared she had lost the one person who in the past three years had made her feel anything close to love. 

The next day came and went with no word from Tobin. When Christen was napping on the couch, curled into an innocent ball, Meghan snuck up to Tobin’s apartment. As a friend of bothof them she knew couldn’t stand to see Christen suffer for much longer with no answer from Tobin. She didn’t know what she would say or how she would react. Tobin was like a sister to her, they had gone through so much and she couldn’t imagine what it was like for Tobin to break things off with Shirley. She wanted to believe that her friend wouldn’t intend to hurt Christen but the silence from the brunette over the past 24 hours spoke contrary. She formed her hand into a loose fist and tapped the door. She could hear the rustling of feet from the hallway and waited patiently for the door to open. She was surprised when the woman standing in the doorway was an unexpected but familiar face. The woman’s dark hair was held back in a bun and the bags under her eyes showed exhaustion.  
“Shirley! Hey. I didn’t know---” Meghan tried to hide the confusion and slight anger in her voice. The sight of the woman went against the faith she had that Tobin would solve this problem soon.  
“Hey Meghan.” Shirley’s greeting tried to mask the hurt in her voice, as if Meghan didn’t already know what was going on.   
“Is Tobin around? I just, um, wanted to see if she had some, um, aluminum foil?” Shirley waved Meghan in.   
“Tobin’s not here right now, she went to get us lunch. But I think I saw aluminum foil somewhere around here.”   
Before Meghan got too far she wanted to turn around, nothing about this moment felt right. There was obviously something Tobin failed to tell Christen and Meghan didn’t want to be the one to break the news and potentially break Christen’s heart more.

“Oh, it’s fine. I should probably go and buy some.” Meghan made her way back through the front door, “Thanks, Shirley.” Before Shirley could turn around to say bye, Meghan was gone. She walked furiously down the hallway to the elevator and tried to figure out what she would say if Christen asked. How could Tobin do this? What was she thinking? 

The elevator doors opened to reveal the brunette, hands full of bags and coffees. Her hair framed her face but looked like it hadn’t been brushed, her dark-rimmed glasses were hiding the redness in her eyes, traces of tears seemed to exist. Meghan’s expression turned from disappointment to sadness when she saw Tobin’s shoulders deflate at the sight of the short-haired woman. 

Her eyes were pleading for forgiveness, “Kling.” She breathed out, “I really fucked up.” Her lips tightened and her eyes shut, holding back the emotion that clawed at her insides.  
“Tobs.” Meghan responded, “What to heck are you going to do? And why is Shirley here?”  
“You saw her?” Panic quickly transformed Tobin’s eyes.  
“I went to your apartment because I know Christen hadn’t heard from you, and she’s---” Meghan decided not to continue in an effort to not make Tobin feel worse but just the mention of the dark-haired woman’s name seemed to completely change Tobin’s expression. She stood in the elevator and dropped her head to the wall behind her, she closed her eyes and prayed.   
“She came all the way from Paris, showed up last night. I called her yesterday after Christen left to tell her it was over but she got on the first flight out and now she says she’s willing to move to the States.” Tobin slowly breathed, “And all I can think about is Christen.” The silence loomed and the name Christen reverberated through her heart and mind.   
“Dude, how’d you get here?” Her short-haired friend did her best to console her but they both knew that this situation wasn’t going to end well. Tobin threw her hands into the air because she thought she did everything she needed to avoid getting here.   
“What do I do, Kling?” Her eyes highlighting the pain she felt.  
“No one can tell you what to do, Tobs. You’re going to have to figure this one out yourself.” Meghan’s tone was understanding but stern, “Just remember, Christen is my friend too. I’m going to have her back through this.”  
“Are you going to tell her about Shirley?” Tobin’s tone was subtling asking Meghan not to.  
“I think she needs to know. Whether it’s me or you who tells her, I think that’s up to you.”   
They were still in the elevator as it opened up into the main lobby. It was mostly empty aside from the doorman, Steve, and Tobin pulled Meghan towards the corner, out of the way of anyone.  
“How’s Christen doing?” Tobin whispered, “Did she say anything?”   
“How do you expect her to be, Tobin? She trusted you. Now you’ve made her feel like you two were sneaking around behind Shirley’s back. You know Chris, she takes on everyone else’s mistakes as if they were her own.” The words hit Tobin like a ton of bricks, “You know, she never wanted to admit her feelings for you. She took a giant leap coming to Portland. You should have figured your stuff with Shirley out before you even considered dragging her along.” 

Tobin felt nothing but shame. Blood rushed to her head and she felt momentarily dizzy before gaining her footing. Hearing those words from Meghan stung and the worst part about them were that they were true, all of them. And now, she had no idea what to do to make the situation better.  
“I can’t tell Shirley to leave.” Tobin’s voice was empty and lost.   
“Then you need to tell Christen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I have updated in a long time. Hoping to update more regularly.


	9. The Dark

Every time she closed her eyes she couldn’t see anything but the image of beautiful brown eyes and the woman’s wide smile. Her long, slim fingers tracing figure eights on Christen’s torso and framing her face with the caress full of love. Tobin’s image had creeped into her dreams even when she didn’t want her there. When she opened her eyes and came back to reality, she had an urge to kick herself. Why was she thinking about Tobin? And why couldn’t she stop? The day seemed to pass by like honey dripping on a fall day but when she looked through the windows to the darkness outside she was still surprised. Meghan’s apartment had turned into a cocoon, sheltering her from the dred she felt from not hearing from Tobin. She took deep breaths and tried not to think about what it would be like to see Tobin on their flight into camp tomorrow.

“When did it get dark? What time is it?” She asked Meghan from her spot on the couch. Her weight permanently pressed the couch cushions into their flattened positions.

“It’s 10 o’clock. We should probably get to bed, we have to get the airport early tomorrow.” Meghan offered a kind smile. There was still darkness in Christen’s eyes. For most of the day the dark-haired woman smiled and cracked jokes, avoided talking about Tobin and hoped to mask any hurt she thought Meghan could see. But Meghan knew better than to trust the facade.

“Yeah, sounds good. I’m going to get ready for bed.” Christen slowly walked to the bathroom and closed the door. Meghan heard the water running and went into her bedroom to change. As she pulled the Barca shirt over her head, the short-haired woman heard three quiet knocks. At first she thought it was just Christen in the bathroom but the same three knocks repeated a few seconds later. She cautiously moved toward the front door realizing who was on the other side when she looked through the peephole. Tobin looked tired and broken, she still had her glasses on from before, although now she was wearing a different set of clothes. Meghan opened the door and greeted her friend with a tight-lipped smile. She knew why Tobin was there. She let Tobin into her apartment and placed her hand on the tanned woman’s shoulder, squeezing encouragely.

“She’s in the bathroom.” Whispered Meghan. She grabbed her keys and left, leaving Tobin to roam her apartment in silence. Tobin found her way over to Meghan’s bed and sat quietly at the foot until she heard the bathroom door click open. She felt her heart almost stop and a huge lump in her throat.

“Alright, Kling. The bathroom is al---.” She stopped, looking at the figure across the room. Her heart dropped and her stomach churned in an unusual fashion. Christen had given up on seeing the figure in front of her. She forcefully pushed the thoughts to the deepest crevices of her mind, hoping there would be no need for them to return until it was absolutely necessary.

Tobin stood up and tried to smile. Just seeing Christen in front of her made her happy for the first time in 38 hours. Christen said nothing.

“Chris? Can we talk?” Tobin took a few steps toward the emotionally fragile woman. Christen retracted and Tobin immediately halted her forward progression.

“Say what you need to Tobin. We don’t need to drag this out longer than necessary.” Christen had already made up her mind that whatever Tobin had to say wasn’t going to be good for her. After all, it had been more than a day since she left Tobin’s apartment without a word from the brunette.

Tobin’s eyes began to well up as the lump in her throat swelled. She looked down to her hands and rubbed them together nervously, “I want to say sorry.” Christen remained level, not letting her heart react to the tear that ran down Tobin’s cheek.

“I’m sorry for not being honest with you before and I’m sorry for what I’m about to say.” 

There it was, the beginning of the sharp daggers that were about to pierce Christen’s heart.

“Shirley is here. She showed up at my apartment last night. After I called her.” Silence filled the air, suffocating them both and vacuuming the air around them, making it impossible to find an escape. All Christen did was move her head slowly up and down, her eyes focused on the brown irises directly in front of her.

“I didn’t ask her to come. I don’t want her here but I couldn’t tell her to leave. She flew all the way---.” Tobin stopped. There was no excuse. 

“I was wrong.” Tobin forced the air into her lungs, “I should’ve figured things out with Shirley before you---” she fought to hold back her emotions, “before I started to fall---.”

“Stop!” Christen whispered sternly, “You don’t need to say it.” 

“I don’t know what to do here, Chris.” Tobin pleaded.

“It’s not my job to help you figure it out.” Christen’s voice was cold, void of the sweetness she once had towards Tobin.

“Christen. Please?”

“What, Tobin? Please what?” She looked at Tobin her tone becoming harsher, eyes wanting an answer from the woman she never imagined hurting her as much as she was hurting now, “I never thought you were still with Shirley. I had this crazy notion that you are such a good person, you’d never do that. I know you didn’t want to talk about her, but this?” She breathed and Tobin tried to interrupt, “I thought you’d never do that to me.”

“I never wanted to hurt you! I’m sorry. I didn’t think Shirley would turn it all around and move here! I knew what I wanted and it was you, is you.” Tobin’s words were defensive. Christen’s tone had suddenly changed from cold and stoic to heartbreak. The words 'move here' were all that resonated in her mind. The rush from the blood was so loud she couldn’t hear what Tobin said after that, the feeling was dizzying and her throat went dry. Without a word, she slowly moved over to the couch and sat down. She closed her eyes.

“Tobin, please leave.” 

“Chris, didn’t you just hear me? I want to be with you.” Tobin repeated. Christen didn’t respond. She sat quietly waiting for the right words to find her. Her integrity was having a brutal war with her heart, leaving a trail of hurt in its wake.

“Tobin. Don’t.” Christen said as she saw Tobin advancing toward her, “Don’t.” She placed her head in her hands and continued, “You and I had one fun night. That’s it. It was new and fun and exciting, but it wasn’t anything meaningful. You’ve been with Shirley for over two years. If she’s willing to move here because of you? To be with you?” She paused, “If I had that chance with Vero? I would have taken it in a heartbeat. You have to try, you owe her that.” The words were out and she couldn’t take them back.

Tobin knows there is truth to Christen’s words. She knew she owed it to Shirley to give it a try but what could be said about what she owed Christen. For a moment she gets another small glimpse of the woman’s heart. She remembers the Christen that helped her talk about her feelings, the Christen who was her friend when she needed it most, and the Christen who knew what Tobin wanted more than herself. And now, Christen was still looking out for Tobin, even if it meant her own happiness. What Tobin knows is not true is what the dark-haired woman says about their night together. It didn’t feel like nothing to Tobin, it felt like everything. It felt like the beginning of everything she wanted for her future. She searched Christen’s eyes for affirmation but it wasn’t there. 

“You’re right. But what about you?” Tobin asks. 

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.” She smiles looking up at Tobin.

“I’m sorry I did this to you, Chris. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I hope you know I mean it. I fucked up but I’m going to fix this. I promise.”

Christen nods affirmingly. Tobin doesn’t know what else to do so she goes to sit next to the dark-haired woman. She cautiously places her hand on Christen’s leg and the woman’s eyes find the brunette looking back at her. They sit in silence for long enough that Tobin starts to feel restless.

“Chris?”

“Yeah, Tobs?”

“Do you think we can go back to being friends?” She says this matter-of-factly, not pleading or forcing, she just wants to know. Christen takes a moment to think about it.

“I may need some time away, but eventually. Yeah. We will go back to being friends.” 

***

The pitch was slippery and damp from the previous night’s downpour but the team had nowhere else to practice. Everyone was in good spirits and excited to be back in camp except for Christen. 

For her, being around Tobin was torture. Their flight from Portland was not horrible, both Allie and Meghan knew where Tobin and Christen stood and did their best to make the two comfortable. Meghan sat with Christen while the other two sat a few aisles behind them. When they got to the hotel Christen grabbed her bag, thanked Meghan for everything she had done and swiftly made her way to her hotel room where she was relieved to be rooming with Kelley. They didn’t have time before their first practice to do much but she knew Julie would be looking for her.

When the tan-skinned woman was waiting in line while they were running drills Julie lightly jabbed her elbow into Christen’s side. Christen knew with Tobin just a few feet away that this was not where she wanted to have this conversation.

“Hey” Julie whispered, “you haven’t replied to any of my messages. How did the weekend go?”

 

All Christen could give her was a taut smile, “It didn’t go as hoped.” Julie’s expression, once excited was now laced with confusion and concern. She decided to stop probing until they could get out of Tobin’s vicinity.

The drills were quick-paced but the wet ball dragged, like a petulant child, along the grass. In a three-on-three drill, Kelley had set Christen up for an open goal where she rocketed the ball three feet over the crossbar. The next opportunity she had ended with shanking the ball off the outside of her right foot. This game which had always been there for her, through the good and the bad, was now betraying her. Jill pulled her to the side after witnessing one too many splotched plays.

“Press, you doing okay?” She asked the forward.

“Yeah, Jill. I’m fine.” Christen avoided eye contact from her coach, standing next to her in silence. Jill was watchful of the unusually unexpressive nature of Christen’s face surveyed the field in front of them. Jill thought she seemed disconnected, her mind on something else. In all the years Jill knew Christen she had never seen her shank so many balls. Jill knew it wasn’t for a lack of effort, there was something chewing at Christen from the inside.

“Ok, Press. If you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine. Why don’t you take the rest of the afternoon off?” Jill rendered a soft smile.

“But there’s still 15 minutes left of practice.” Christen’s eyes turned to confusion, this sort of thing was never allowed.

“I know,” Jill replied, “but take the van. Take some friends, go to the beach. It’s a beautiful day. Clear your mind and come back fresh tomorrow. Sound good?” Although it was a question, Christen knew it was meant to be a strong suggestion with no room for negotiation.

“Sure.” Christen wiped the sweat from her forehead and began walking towards her stuff, she turned around and jogged back towards Jill, “Coach? Can Kelley come with me?” 

Jill nodded, “O’Hara!” She waved the brunette over and Christen caught her up on leaving practice a little early. She was overly excited with a smile spanned cheek to cheek and did not miss a beat when grabbing her things and heading out with Christen. Christen thought about what she needed right now and it was the beach, her dogs, and Kelley. The three things that no matter what was going on in her life brought a smile to her face. Kelley and Christen had known each other since college and Kelley was someone Christen considered one of her oldest and dearest friends. She was also the one person Christen trusted to give her the hard truth, to push her to move on, give her to no-nonsense advice she needed. Because it was honestly what she needed. Her mind needed to be off of Tobin and on the game.


End file.
